I want to sit in front of you
legs crossed
naked
with a cigarette in my hand
and not feel ugly.

I want you to tell me
how beautiful my body is,
not my mind.
I want you to look at me,
and feel an uncontrollable desire
to fuck me,
like I want you to fuck me,
every time I look at you.

I want you to reach out to me
in a crowded room,
and touch me.
Touch me very intimately, indeed.
I want you to find a dark corner at a club
so you can put your hand up my skirt
and stroke me, gently at first
then go a little rough.

I like it rough.

When you look at other women,
I want to not care about how she's thinner than me,
or how her breasts look more supple,
or how her thighs are probably perfect
and not scarred like mine.

when you talk to someone,
I don't want to think about how she's
probably smarter than me,
and doesn't make a fool out of herself
after five drinks, like I do.

How her hair is always perfect,

not a strand out of place,

while mine is unruly and short

and messy.

Like my clothes.

I don't know how to wear a dress

as pretty as she does,

or how to wear kajal that never smudges.

My laugh is thunderous and manly,

while hers gets you to look at her softly.

Every time I talk to you,
I don't want to end up in tears
like a b-grade soppy Hindi film heroine.

When you hug me, hold my hand
or fleetingly look at me,
I don't want to only think of
lying naked in bed with you,
under layers of crumpled nights.

I might not tell you any of this,
but one day,
I do hope to read this
in front of 20 strangers
and be considered bold.
Because I'm brown
and I just said "fuck"
and "breasts"
and "naked"
and that makes me

a fucking radical.